


Nil Nocere

by OrmondSacker



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Character Study, Established Relationship, Ethical Dilemmas, Ethics, M/M, Moral Dilemmas, Morality, Philosophy, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 13:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18032507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrmondSacker/pseuds/OrmondSacker
Summary: Nil nocere (latin): Do no harm.On their first away team mission together, Paul realizes exactly what the Hippocratic Oath means to Hugh and how he himself balances the value of life and death.Takes place years prior to Discovery when Hugh and Paul were posted together on another ship. Timeline kept vague on purpose.





	Nil Nocere

**Author's Note:**

> _A quick Culmets fic that's been plaguing me to write it all day. Not proofread or anything, it just wouldn't stop bugging me until I got it down. So here you all go._

The away team gathers in the USS Avicenna’s shuttle bay, as it orbits Phi Vespae IV.  

The Avicenna is delivering technical supplies to the research outpost located on the planet, but their hails have been met only with silence upon their arrival and the outpost have been incommunicado for over a month. Not certain if the silence is due to the atmospheric disturbances that also prevents the team from simply beaming down to the planet, or if the outpost has met with misfortune, the captain have ordered the chief of security, Commander Chas Catlow, to assemble a team consisting of both security staff as well as scientific experts and medical personally to assess the situation on the ground. 

Paul, having been pulled in as a member of the middle category, stands next to Hugh, representing the last, at the back of the team while commander Catlow briefs them on the mission. While it is neither his nor Hugh’s first away team mission, not by far, it is the first time they’re going together and it adds another layer to his already jumbled emotions. Concern for the outpost, ordinary human fear of the unknown, a certain anticipation as well, for what might become a trip filled with interesting discoveries if they’re lucky and all is well. And all of this overlaid with the very visceral knowledge that Hugh is standing right next to him will be right there with him the entire time, looking far better than anyone has a right to in his medical uniform beneath the issued body armor. 

To everyone else here Hugh might look poised and confident as he stands in an at ease stance, hands clasped at his back, but Paul can see the tension in his neck and how his fingers flex ever so slightly though he holds his hands tightly together. 

“Since we have no idea who or what we will be meeting down there you will all be issued a phaser, commander Catlow says. "Report to lieutenant Nakada,” he points to a petite red headed woman standing near a stack of crates, “Who will be distributing them before boarding the shuttle. Any question?” 

A murmur of negatives passes through the crowd. 

“On you go then.” 

Paul falls in behind the last of the group, only to realize after four steps that Hugh isn’t with him. Turning around he finds Hugh going through the content of his medical bag. 

“Hugh?” 

Hugh looks up at him, a half smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes on his lips. 

“Go on.” He waves his hand at Paul. When Paul hesitates, he repeats the gesture. “Go.” 

Slowly Paul turns back and hurries after ensign Peters who’s otherwise taking up the rear. Looking back over his shoulder he sees Hugh make straight for the shuttle, medical bag slung over his shoulder. 

Before Paul can call out to him, Commander Catlow’s voice rings clear through the shuttle bay. 

“Doctor Culber, you’re forgetting something.” 

Neither turning nor breaking his stride towards the shuttle Hugh says, “No Commander, I’m not.” 

“Yes. You are.  _Lieutenant_  Culber.” 

Hugh stops but doesn’t turn around. 

Catlow crosses the shuttle bay, first to Nakada to pick up a phaser, then to Hugh, facing Hugh’s still turned back. 

“Your phaser, lieutenant.” 

Finally, Hugh turns. 

“No.” 

“Do you have hard of hearing?” 

“No commander, I heard you perfectly well the first time, the second time and just now. But no, I'm not carrying a weapon. I’m a doctor.” 

“You’re a Starfleet officer on an away mission facing unknown threats, you will be armed.” 

Hugh shakes his head. 

“Before I swore an oath as an officer, I swore the Hippocratic Oath. I’m a doctor first and above all else. Nil nocere, do no harm. Sir.” 

“It comes with a stun setting, lieutenant.” 

“I know that. But while the stun setting is certainly less fatal than kill it has been known to cause lasting damage and even death in beings with cardiac and respiratory disorders as well as certain neurological disorders. And who knows what effect it might have on a yet unknown species. As you pointed out, who knows what we'll find down there. But I will not willingly and knowingly take another being’s life, not even to preserve my own.” 

Catlow folds his arms as he regards Hugh. 

“And what about that of a crewmate? You won’t kill to preserve their life either?” 

Hugh looks over at the group being issued phasers. The process has continued all the way through the discussion between him and Catlow, though the argument certainly attracted the group’s attention. Only Paul is left, accepting his phaser just as Hugh turns to regard them. Though he can see no judgement in Hugh’s eyes, the weapon feels irrationally heavy in his hand when he accepts it. 

“I’d say this expedition is not exactly underarmed, sir.” 

“So you have no issue with your crewmates carrying weapons or killing?” 

“Commander, I’m a doctor, not a priest. I’m not here to give sermons or offer moral judgements over my fellows. This is a decision each of us have to take up with our own conscious. I respect theirs as I ask you to respect mine.” 

“I don’t understand you doctor. Not in the least. I’ve seen you in the gym, I’ve seen you practice martials arts, you’re good. Very good. But you say you won’t carry a weapon, isn’t there a conflict in that?” 

“None that I can see. Those martial arts don’t just carry with them a centuries’ old tradition and culture, but are founded in a philosophy of, restraint, of  _avoiding_ violence and to learn to do minimal damage on an opponent when they are used. They are also tools to mastering both body and mind. This.” He takes Catlow’s hand that carries the phaser and holds it up between them. “Is a weapon and as such build only for one thing, attack. I repeat, I will not carry a weapon.” 

He lets go of Catlow’s hand and steps back. 

“I can make this a direct order, lieutenant.” 

“Then you put me up on a charge of insubordination. Sir.” 

The silence stretches between the two men, Paul can practically feel the tention build in the room. Then Catlow steps back, shaking his head. 

“As you will, doctor. Just don’t wander off on your own down there, understood.” 

Hugh nods, before turning and walking to the shuttle once more. 

Catlow turns to the rest of them. 

“If we have any other conscientious objectors on the team, leave your phasers with lieutenant Nakada.” The words could easily have sounded dismissive or condescending, instead Catlow simply sounds tired. 

As Catlow walks past them he stops next to Paul. 

“I’ve been wrestling with captains about security issues for over thirty years. Never have I met a man more stubborn or willful than your boyfriend.” 

Paul can’t help but smile at that, though Catlow is gone in an instant and doesn’t see it. Hugh is so kind and mild most of the time it is easy to forget that he has a core of steel and enough stubbornness to supply a whole herd of mules. Paul find it one of his more endearing traits. 

Everyone else is slowly ambling toward the shuttle, leaving Paul behind at the crates and lieutenant Nakada. 

“Do you want to hand in your phaser?” she asks him. 

Paul looks at it. Though its handle is covered in rubber for a better grip, it feels cold in his hand. 

 _This is a decision each of us have to take up with our own conscious._  

Could he kill? To preserve his own life? Someone else’s? 

The gun offers no answer. 

He looks up at the shuttle and sees Hugh’s armored, but unarmed form mill about among the rest of the team. Resolutely Paul attaches the phaser to his belt, his pulse racing. 

“No lieutenant, that won’t be necessary. Thank you.” 

Inside the shuttle Paul looks about for a place to sit. Hugh catches his eyes and pull down the medical bag he’d put next to him, putting it between his feet. 

“Thank you,” Paul says as he sits down, though he is as conscious of his own tension as he is of Hugh’s and the almost burning feeling of the phaser at his side. 

Its presence hangs in the silence between them as the shuttle takes off. Only when they’ve departed the shuttle bay and am heading down toward the planet’s surface does Hugh speak. 

“You have something to say, say it.” 

Paul’s fingers brush self-consciously over the phaser’s handle. 

“I don’t know what this makes you think of me, but I think that to save your life, I could shoot. Even if I knew my phaser was set to kill.” 

He doesn’t look at Hugh as he speaks, he can’t, but keeps his gaze firmly locked on the tips of his boots. 

“As I said, I’m not passing judgement on anyone here. Least of all you. But please understand Paul, I can’t measure the value of life like that. I love you, more than I have words to say, but I cannot knowingly, willingly, take the life of another. Not even to save you. It doesn’t work like that for me. Though I know your death would break my heart and haunt me for the rest of my life.” 

Finally Paul looks up at Hugh and he sees no condemnation, only a silent plea that he understands. He takes one of Hugh’s hands in his own, tangling their fingers together. 

“I know. I think that’s one of the reasons I love you so much.” 

Hugh answers him with a smile and Paul smile in return. But for the rest of his life Paul would never forget the weight of the phaser on his belt, or the weight of his decision or Hugh’s.


End file.
